Onwards and Upwards

Since getting my prosthetic leg last Friday I have hated every minute spent in my new leg. It hurts and it's a slow painstaking process. That's why today's success is so sweet! I put my leg on today and it hurt a little less. I am walking a little faster (still a snails pace but like a racing snail rather than a regular snail). It's getting easier! Phew! I also got the best motivating news this week. JeuneElle and my mom are coming for a visit again AND they're bringing the kids!! I am more excited than words can express. Knowing the kids were coming motivated me to be in the best shape I can be so that we can do lots of fun activities. That's what got me through the difficult first week in my prosthesis! With both their visit and a beach trip coming soon I am feeling great!


Cutest kids EVER!



dies Veneris XIII

As Matthew and I sat in the waiting room at Aaron's office on Friday I felt so nervous. I kept looking down at my leg, turning it back and forth, asking Matt if he thought it had shrunk at all in the last week. I wanted so much to see forward progression and I also remembered vividly how difficult and painful it was to squeeze into the small cuff of my prosthesis last week. (My prosthetic leg had not yet arrived from the factory so I would be going home with the same 'loaner' leg I used last week. It's actually a loaner foot. Everything is custom built for me here at the clinic except for the foot. So I'm using my own custom built leg down to the ankle and when the foot arrives from the factory on Thursday we will come swap out the loaner foot for my own custom foot.) We were ushered into the 'walking room' at the clinic. I sat in my chair and rolled up my shorts and nervously began to work my limb into the socket... et voila! It went in much more easily than last time! I was so relieved and Aaron wore a very knowing expression on his face. Making these sockets in the early stages of recovery is a tricky balance between making it too small and keeping up with how quickly the limb will be shrinking. Admittedly last week I though Aaron had been too aggressive with how small he had made my cuff. He obviously knows what he is doing. Not only did my residual limb fit more easily inside but we also added a sock to get the fit to be even tighter. It's amazing how quickly my limb is changing! 

I was so happy and I felt a lot more comfortable bearing weight on my prosthesis than I did before. A big part of learning to use a prosthesis is being able to trust that it will be there for you. I trust it a little more every time I use it. I walked back and forth between the parallel bars several times and Aaron made small adjustments to the leg as I went.

It feels both liberating and inhibiting at the same time. I love the feeling of having two legs again! Even just standing still is so much easier with two legs! Maybe even more than the feel of two legs, I love the look of having two legs. I try not to care too much about what other people think. Anytime I leave the house, however, I draw a great deal of attention. Most people are just curious or sympathetic. It's hard not to feel like a circus freak when I'm out and about. I loved going to church today with two feet and two matching shoes! I still draw attention but I feel less exposed in a strange way. On the other hand, having two legs makes me very anxious to really move my body and take off. It takes all the patience I can muster to go through this process. But I am very grateful for every step I take, literally or otherwise!

It was really great to have Matt with me this time and to be able to share my happy moment with him! On the way home I had taken my leg off to get some pain relief. As we walked to the house from the car Matt thought it was so funny that he was kicking me in the butt with my own leg. Honestly, so did I! I love having Matt around to keep me laughing and make life fun!

This week I should only do 2 hours at a time in my prosthetic leg up to 3x's a day and only partial weight bearing. I am primarily building up the tolerance for wearing the prosthesis right now. I'm very concerned (probably overly worried) about getting a sore or an injury on my residual limb. If that happens I will not be able to wear my prosthesis until my residual limb heals which could take weeks! I do not have the patience or the time for anything like that! I have to be back to work no later than July 21st. I need to gain as much progress as possible with my leg before then. I often worry or have bad dreams about going back to work. Last school year was so difficult. My friend Mindy teases me that I have PTSD from last year. She might not be wrong! It's hard to do any job when you're not well physically. I really do love teaching and I miss my students. Whenever I was having a hard day, my kids would give me the motivation to push through. I love it when I run into a student or a parent when I'm around town. I get so invested in my kids and love to see that they are doing well!

"homines dum docent discunt"

"while men teach, they learn"  -  Seneca

First Steps and New Beginnings

Best. Day. Ever.

I had an appointment with Aaron, my prosthetist, today. It was to check the fitting of the socket which attaches my residual limb to my prosthesis. My prosthesis is still being custom built at the factory so it's not ready yet. The socket is made to fit as tight as it possibly can over my residual limb. The reason for this is once I start walking, my residual limb will shrink at a must faster rate. By starting with the smallest socket possible it will help me keep a good fit for a longer period of time with my final socket. Getting my leg into this very tight socket was difficult and painful...very painful. It took almost 10 minutes to work my way into it but once I got in there it felt okay.

Then the most miraculous experience took place. I took my very first steps! The socket was attached to a loaner prosthesis so it was a little more awkward than my custom made one will be. At first I had to just practice putting a little weight on it. Then we moved to the double bars. I went all the way to the end of the bars and back! It was the most amazing feeling! I was surprised by how overcome with emotion I felt. I could not hold back the tears of joy. Aaron is so encouraging and tough at the same time. He strikes the perfect balance between pushing me to achieve my goals while having empathy and compassion at the same time. Aaron is a fellow amputee and we will be lifelong friends! He's very excited about my progress and drive. He says I walked farther today than most of his patients after having had their prosthesis for 3 weeks. I'm so encouraged by his words and I can't wait to really dig my heels in and get some hard work done over the next few weeks. At my appointment next Friday I will be coming home with a new leg! Aaron will give me the loaner prosthesis I used today if my own prosthesis isn't finished yet (it probably won't be.)
I'm so happy that I don't even feel the extra pain from having put my leg through so much today. I have to many good endorphins pumping through my body. I suspect tonight and tomorrow won't be so easy but it's all part of the process. I'm so thankful for everyone who knew I could make it this far. I'm not done yet so please don't stop praying for me.

Aaron feels my prognosis for running again some day is very good. I can't even complete that sentence without becoming emotional. That's really the carrot at the end of the stick for me. It's at the core of every difficult step I take to progress forward. Below is my new favorite video from the Canadian Paralympic Committee called Unstoppable.

 

 

The Strength of a Thousand Men

A visit from my amazing visiting teachers this afternoon has me thinking of all the visits and prayers that have carried me through on a daily basis. Suzana and Adrienne have become dear friends and strengthened my testimony of visiting teaching. Today has been a struggle. Even on a tough day, however, I feel happier and stronger than I have been in a long time. Many have told me that I am so very strong for going through this. But any strength that I possess comes from the many loved ones who surround me and from the strength of the Spirit. I know there have been numerous prayers on my behalf and I feel strength and comfort from each one. My husband, my family, my friends and even acquaintances have extended so much love and support. One of my favorites is a card from my sweet nephew Levi. It reads:

 Dear Aunt Trisha, I'm really glad that you're feeling better.  I hope you will get used to your plastic leg soon.

Love, Levi