Gaining a Leg Up On Life

I took the first steps towards getting my new leg yesterday! How exciting! My prosthetist, Aaron, took a mold of my residual limb and a lot of measurements. I had to choose a new leg out of hundreds and hundreds of available options. It was so overwhelming and surreal to be shopping around for a leg that will do everything a real leg/foot can do and feel very natural at the same time. So many choices. We need a leg store that functions like a shoe store where I can try something on and use it a little before committing to a $30,000 leg.  Matt and I joke about holding an amputee party where we all swap legs to try out as many as possible. Aaron is really great at giving me direction based on what I hope to accomplish and breaking down the components so that I understand my options. My first preliminary fitting will be next Friday! My leg won't be ready quite yet. It will be a fitting for the socket that attaches my residual limb to my prosthetic leg. The whole thing should be finished about a week later. Then I'm off! Learning how to walk again! I can hardly wait to get the real work started.

Sunshine

My Mom is here, everything is going to be okay. I'm so happy my parents have been able to come be with me. My Dad was here through the weekend and they did a complete organization of my garage which is nothing short of a miracle! My Mom gets to stay a whole week! Isn't everything just better with Mom and Dad around. They brought a whole new sunshine with them to my house. This morning my Mom and I were enjoying a beautiful view out the window and we were discussing how great and beautiful the sunshine is. It helped me realize all the "sunshine" that has come into my life. Recently my aunt and cousins actually sent me a box of sunshine to cheer me up. It had everything yellow you can think of from nail polish to an inspirational book. It made me feel so loved and sunny! I've had so many people bring me rays of sunshine along the way. There was an amazing woman who visited me in the hospital. She has a cute little yorkie she takes around to visit patients and cheer them up. I adore my dogs and missed them while in the hospital so it DID cheer me up. She was also an amputee and her willingness to open up and share here experiences with me were so meaningful. She spent so much time talking with me and encouraging me. That was a big ray of sunshine! This journey is constantly a lesson in the kindness and charity of others. Often I am surprised at the smallest things that make a big difference. I think of many times in the past when I have felt that the service or talents I have to offer were negligible. I know now more than ever that nothing is too small or insignificant. I'm so grateful for all of the sunshine in my life. Most of all I am grateful for my Savior and my God and my brightest ray of sunshine, my husband.

Breakfast

Every morning before leaving for work my sweet husband makes sure I have a breakfast tray at the edge of my bed and easily accessible food in the fridge. He is the type of guy who likes to wake up about 3 1/2  minutes before he has to leave the house, so carving out this kind of time in the morning is a big deal. The best part about it is, having been married 8 years, I know he would do it anyway. I wouldn't have to lose a leg or be ill; he would just do it if I wanted it.

He's pretty amazing! Sometimes I think I must feel like a 3rd pet. "Did I feed and water and medicate my wife before I left today?" Oh well. He does it lovingly and I am so grateful for him! Sometimes when people get married they don't really know the person they are marrying. I feel that way sometimes in the sense that his selflessness seems to be never-ending. We all expect it from our significant others during the early years. Who knew this is how he truly is through and through? Well, everyone knew but you get the idea.

I really got the better end of this deal! I've been through a lot since we've been married and he takes it all so well. That's what happens when you're married. If one of you is going through something the other is going through it too. I have a lot of love and support from everyone. Many don't realize how taxing this can be on a spouse. He is the one behind the scenes who keeps everything together. I  don't write about him often because it's hard to do without getting emotional. (So far I'm unsuccessful.) I can't believe I landed such an amazing man! I find in him the person I am always trying to be. He makes me laugh and we have good time. He is my daily reminder that life is worth living!

"Omnia vincit amor, et nos cedamus amori."

Love conquers all, let us yield to love"

-Vergil 

 

The Healing Power of Faith



I have been looking forward to getting back to church for weeks! I finally made it today and I am so happy. I love my ward! They have been amazing since the day they showed up to help us move in!! An interesting thing happened in sacrament meeting. I was listening to the speaker who was doing a great job. He reached a point in his talk where the spirit was very strong. I was really feeling the spirit and had goose bumps run down my arms. Then I realized my whole body had become relaxed and the tenseness in my amputated leg had released. I really didn't feel much pain at all while I was filled with the spirit so intensely. It didn't last long, just a moment or two. It was an amazing reminder of the healing power of God.

A little  while ago I had the prompting to make scripture study more of a priority in my life.  I recommitted myself to having daily scripture study.  Naturally, a couple days later my sister JeuneElle called saying 'I don't want to offend you or imply you're not doing enough but I was reading this Ensign article about the power of scripture to heal physical afflictions and I thought of you.' (typical Jay - always looking out for me and in tune with the spirit) I re-recommitted myself to studying the scriptures. Do I think my pain will be healed today because I had scripture study? No. But it's a nice reminder that when I make my faith a priority good things happen in life.

I was fortunate enough to be able to frequent the temple in the weeks leading up to my amputation. I am so grateful for the inspiration and revelation I receive there. It has been a strong guiding influence in my life. I am grateful to have the gospel in my life and so grateful to have a husband with the power of the priesthood. I have been anxious to return to the temple after surgery. I am looking forward to a temple trip soon! I have a strong testimony of the importance of scriptures and temple work and the blessings received from the temple.

"God never leaves us alone, never leaves us unaided in the challenges that we face."

- Jeffrey R. Holland

Gilbert, Arizona Temple

Progress Report

At the doctor's office

I visited the doctor this week and he gave me a good progress report. Everything is healing well. I had all 35 staples removed and the incision looks great. No sign of infection. (Which is always the first question out of my mouth. I may be a bit paranoid.) My prosthetist, Aaron, was there as well.  Aaron is going to be very important to me as I go through the process of building my prosthetic, adjusting, and fitting and refitting many many times. I already like him a lot and we've built a great relationship in a short time. Aaron also gave me a glowing progress report. My leg is in good shape and by that I mean the shape of my leg is almost ready to fit into a prosthesis. Aaron put a shrinker sock on my leg. This is exactly what it sounds like. A very tight sock which, in his words, "feels like a tourniquet" that helps push out swelling and shrink down my leg. We will be waiting on my incision to heal completely and my pain level to go down before I begin walking in a new leg. In about a week we'll take a mold of my leg and the process of building my prosthesis will begin.  

  Fun Fact: I often get asked what the difference is between prosthesis and prosthetic. The difference is that one is a noun and the other is an adjective. I have either a prosthesis or a prosthetic leg. (Oops, is the teacher in me showing?)

 

This is the end of anything interesting in this post and the beginning of my rambling and venting. This will probably be lengthy so I recommend you stop here at the update and save yourself some time.

 

Reality Stew

When I started this blog I deliberated for a long time about allowing readers. I am a very private person and  I really set this up to be an outlet for me to work through things. If there's one thing I should have learned in the past few years it is that private isn't always better or safer. Because this is therapeutic for me I am going to continue as if there aren't any readers, just warning you.

Since the day of my surgery my leg has been encased in a rather large and bulky splint. It protects my limb from damage if I fall (which many know I DID) and keeps it straight so that I don't have to do months of physical therapy to regain full extension in my leg. At my recent doctor's visit, having it completely uncovered, I looked down at my bare leg and got a big dose of reality that caught me unprepared. My leg is gone. It's really difficult to find the words to describe what that feels like. I am able to spend a lot of time now out of that splint so I am seeing a lot more of my leg. It's helping me adjust and also brings a few more sad moments.

My pain level is higher than the average patient at my stage of recovery and I experience a lot of phantom pain. This really doesn't surprise me and it doesn't surprise my surgeon.  During any surgery it is normal that the muscles and things twitch and move a bit. During my surgery my surgeon said my leg was twitching, jumping, and having spasms to a far greater degree than he had ever seen. Which means all my nerves in my left leg are hypersensitive and hyperactive. It is going to take time for things to calm down. Also, the amount of pain I was in and the length of time I was in that pain really irritated all those nerves. It's just going to take time. Pain. My nemesis. 

Sisters

Jay and me at the airport.

I love my sisters! There's a common phrase "sisters by chance, friends by choice". Cliché as it may be it's just too true. My sisters are my best friends! They have done so much for me as I've been going through this. When I was hospitalized in February they jumped in their cars and came to stay with me for a week.  Both are young moms and just made arrangements that quickly without hesitation to come be with me when I needed them! They are so amazing! On top of that I have 8 sister-in-laws who have pulled out all the stops to give their love and support, not the least of which includes a complete over hall cleaning of my house and yard! MariaElena in particular has gone out of her way to help us in any way she can. She has been my guardian angel.I love all my sisters! 
My older sister JeuneElle(Jay) has been my biggest supporter, advocate, cheerleader and confidant! I'd be lost without her. She's done almost as much research as I have on amputees, what to expect, options, treatments, prosthetics, etc. It's so amazing to have someone so informed who can be my sounding  board to think through ideas and options! Then she packed up (again!) and spent a week taking care of me after surgery. What a friend! She never misses a day without calling to check up on me.
We had a great time and it was the perfect distraction from the pain of having the amputation. She helped organize my jewelry which means I picked out all the stuff and she made them while making me feel like I was actually contributing to the project in a useful way. She's magic like that! They turned out so cute!

 

 

I can't wait to see my sisters again soon. I'm very excited to spend time with my sister-in-laws on our Mexico trip this summer. And I really hope to be doing well enough for a trip to Utah at the end of the summer! The greatest thing about my sisters are the amazing kids they are raising! I adore my nieces and nephews more than anything! My favorite thing in the world is spending time with them. And I can't complete this post without a shout out to my amazing brother! We have a great friendship and his support means a lot to me at this time (we just don't organize our jewelry together).

 

"Sisters are forever friends"



Newbie Amputee

As a new amputee I'm trying to get my legs under me (haha pun intended!) in this new life. It's 2am and I am wide awake with a pain spasm and there's no time like the present to begin something new! I am 3 weeks post surgery but the greatest reason I am finally beginning to record my thoughts is that my  heart is so full of gratitude today. There is something beautiful about the tidal wave of kindness and charity that often follows tragedy or hardship! I have been on the receiving end of so many kind thoughts, prayers and deeds that I can not begin to express my thanks! Every bit means so much!

I titled my blog Spes et Fides which is Latin for hope and faith. I may be a new amputee, however, I have been undergoing pain and mobility problems in my left leg leading up to this amputation for several years now. It has been a long and difficult road. I have learned that two most important things for me to hold fast to are my faith and hope.

The best thing in my life is my loving husband who has carried me through (sometimes literally carrying me!). Anyone who has ever met him knows that he is great. He cares for me without complaint and we are finding our way in this new way of living together. He has saved my life very literally but most importantly he gives me a daily reminder of how good this life can be!